RUSSELL BRAND is PLANNING to have LESBIAN KISSES.......

You can not automatically know that Russell Brand is when you hear your name, but that probably will change in September 7.

The British bad boy comedian, who played rehabbed rocker Aldous snow in the recent Judd Apatow produced hit Forgetting Sarah Marshall, was named today as host of the MTV Video Music Awards.

Mark has a history with the network. He was dismissed from his performance as a VJ on MTV in London after he came to work dressed as Osama bin Laden on September 12, 2001.

"I do not mention [the incident] when I was offered this concert," Brand told me this afternoon from his home in London, "which leads me to believe that they have not researched the history of my career too close."

Brand signed by the MTV VMAs producers after he saw his standup act at LA's famous Roxy Theatre.

"I'm planning to have lesbian kisses with Britney and Madonna individually," said Brand. "It will not be easy as that with my genitals, but God, I will try."

Past hosts have included Jack Black, Chris Rock, Sean "Diddy" Combs, Jimmy Fallon and Jamie Foxx.

These are some mighty big shoes to fill. "I thought he could rely on my luck and improvisation," said Brand. "I have a couple of glasses of gin and just stagger out there and down with the Jonas Brothers."

Gin is undoubtedly part of a joke. Brand, who has been very open about his battle with substance abuse, has been sober for several years.

But is clean, does not mean that it is looking for some dirty fun during the awards show, which was televised live from Hollywood Paramount lot. I only hope that nobody dares to a policeman feels cheap, with any number of Starlets to be at the hearing.

"One night, Chrissie Hynde encouraged me to play Rosanna Arquette of breasts," Brand said with a laugh on the aforementioned Roxy concert. "And I did. She said, 'Feel Roseanne's breasts. They are real." It was a good experience. "

But the promises are not going to go as far VMA time ... or not? "Nobody will thank me for touching the breasts during the show," he said. "But I can almost guarantee a Janet Jackson-style Super Bowl escapes him a nipple."

Expect a lot of ribbing by Jonas Brothers, which is making its debut VMA performance. "We may have to cancel because I do not think that the show will be early enough for them," Brand cracked on the JoBros. "Children will be sent quickly to bed if I come across them."